my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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