I'm sorry my penis didn't work
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
