how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
