Already got asked if we're dating
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
