so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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