just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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