I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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