apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize