Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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