I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
never play flip cup with pint glasses
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
