apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
