I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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