You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
