The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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