dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
