She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
