dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
