i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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