Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
