my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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