all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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