I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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