Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
