If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Even my vagina gasped.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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