He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
