now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
