I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Randomize
