xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
