is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
