On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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