dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
