That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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