I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
