Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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