its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am available for nakedness
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize