I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
