Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
