Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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