Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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