I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
