i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
