I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
