how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
