We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize