I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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