Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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