Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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