I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think my tv is drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
