She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is wine microwaveable?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
