I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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