his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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