For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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