bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
