Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
