The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
