Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
