..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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