fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
