I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
