Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
