my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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