She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
