just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
