Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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