after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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