you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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