jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
