i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
