i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
