Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
