i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize