Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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