do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
