he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
