my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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