he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
