Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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