Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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