Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
