Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
