I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize