I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
